Hangin’ Out At The Flea Market
The flea market…
What a glorious place! A true melting pot. People representing the full spectrum of hygienic awareness converge and rub elbows. Laborers and scholars. Employed and unemployed. Rich and poor. Pastors and atheists. Criminals and police. The mission? To catch up with old friends, to make new friends and to try to find a great deal. Most people are looking for that diamond in the rough. That unrecognized treasure. That something underpriced that they can make a few bucks off. Others are there for more practical purposes: to feed their families affordably or to find that one part that they need but can’t find anywhere else. Shelf stable meats and cheeses. Bulk dry goods that are slightly out of date but still perfectly good. Every nut and bolt imaginable. Obsolete tools whose function has been lost in antiquity. Guns and ammo. All manners of collectibles. Some people are there just to people watch.
The atmosphere is like that of a carnival, only its during daylight and there aren’t really any rides. At least no rides that anyone is really sure whether or not they still work. For what it’s worth, the person selling them knows for a fact that they worked the last time that they were used. 20 years ago. People swarm like bees from shop to shop. There are generally animals. Sometimes there are clowns. At least we think they’re clowns. Snacks and drinks are always available. Every now and then people leave wearing new bracelets courtesy of the local police department.
Like eclectic fragrances? Take a stroll down any aisle and gently take a whiff every few steps as you go. Never breathe too deeply! That could be dangerous. A typical aroma map might be as follows… Flowers. Marijuana. Onions. Funnel cake. Tobacco smoke. Perfume. Fermented armpit. Fresh produce. Incense. Olfactory overload!
Like haggling? Come on down! Why pay someone $0.50 cents for that brand new coffee cup that you saw for sale the first of the month at the Walmart for $6 when you’re sure that you can get them down to $0.25? If you’re not a seasoned, battle tested haggler, see the helpful tips below.
A few helpful tips for flea market newbies::
Shit before you leave the house. You’re just going to have to trust me on this one.
Make sure you have plenty of small bills. Keep money in different pockets, but remember what you have where. Pretending that you have less money on you than you actually do can be a powerful negotiating technique.
If you want to know how much someone wants for something, you have to say “What you got on that?” in order to be taken seriously. It’s pronounced without any separation between the words.“Wachagadondat?” 5 slurred syllables. One breath. Practice it. Become one with it.
Work on your “Damn! That price is too high!” face. You absolutely must have one. It’s a mix of confusion and pain.
Even if you like and really want something, find fault in it. No matter how stupid it sounds saying it out loud. Then actually say it out loud and stand by it. It’ll keep the sellers off balance.
Never agree to anyone’s initial asking price without trying to talk them down. Even if you have no intention of buying the item in question. It’s part of the game.
Hope to see you there!
