Harmonious Living
Entering medical school, I was all but certain that I would end up going into Emergency Medicine. Those are my roots after all. I went into the Army right out of high school. While I certainly learned a lot, tanker life did not give me significant first hand medical experience. I did a Combat LiveSaver course, which was a practical, condensed emergency medical skills course, but that was pretty much the extent of it.
When I transitioned back to civilian life, a high school football buddy’s dad gave me an opportunity for an entry level job as a full-time, night shift phlebotomist at the local hospital. A vampire. I haven’t talked to him in many, many years, but I remain grateful to Mr Hardy. While I was navigating my undergraduate chemistry degree, I tried to maximize my experience, and transitioned to several different positions, culminating in a position as an Emergency Room Technician. My medical roots.
As I worked my way through medical school, I gradually and begrudgingly came to the realization that what I really thought that I loved about emergency medicine was actually the surgical aspects. Emergency medicine was my first love, but she lead me to my true love, which was Surgery. But could we make it work? Surgery is a dichotomy. She is gracious and noble, but she can also be a heartless, faithless whore. We were so different in so many ways. Surgeons were slaves to the job, right? Work always came first, no matter what. You really weren’t allowed to spend time with your family until after your second divorce, and even that was considered a sign of weakness.
Around the time that I was starting to apply for residency, my wife and I found out that we were going to have triplets. For those keeping score, that was going to catapult us to seven kids seven and under. We laughed (partially from the ridiculousness and absurdity of the situation and partially to hide the tears), talked it over and decided to give surgery a try.
We knew that nothing about this was going to be easy. We also knew that we had to make time to enjoy the journey. No one knows how much time that they will be granted on this earth and every day is precious. We had to find a way to live for the moment and look forward to the future without being overly focused on the destination. It would clearly take a lot of work, but we both felt up for the challenge.
Work-life balance. Like anything, this can mean different things to different people and has evolved over time as our understanding has grown. “The Work-Life Balance Expert” Jeff Davidson describes 6 elements of work-life balance:
(1) Self management
(2) Time management
(3) Stress management
(4) Managing change
(5) Managing technology
(6) Managing leisure time
It is not my intention to go into great detail. These six elements are somewhat self-explanatory and I agree that this is a useful framework. For years, this is what I thought that I was trying to achieve. The Holy Grail!
Over time, I found that work-life balance tends to focus more on the what, when and how. There can be a tendency to build a compartmentalized life. While compartmentalization may be a necessary damage control measure at times, it is not the best long term strategy. In fact, it can be quite maladaptive and destructive.
Homesteading is unique in that it by its very nature it invites and promotes a commingling of one’s day to day life and the means by which one achieves their livelihood. All aspects of life can be seamlessly woven together; however, like with anything else in life, caution needs to be taken to ensure that if things get out of balance, it can be quickly recognized and corrected.
During a harvest season, it is easy to get caught up in the need to get produce harvested, cleaned and processed so that it doesn’t go to waste. My wife and I have a tendency to underestimate the amount of time that it will take to complete a given task. It’s not that we don’t know how long it takes to get things done as much as when things are being done by a family instead of a labor force, there are way more distractions and variables. “I’m hungry”. “I need to go to the bathroom.” “I cut my finger off.” It’s one excuse after another. Our rule of thumb is to double the amount of time that you think that it will take to accomplish a task and then add a little more for good measure.
There is beauty even with the lack of efficiency if one can avoid getting frustrated and let oneself enjoy it. When you can relax and not let yourself feel crunched for time, you can see that you are able to accomplish a task, get exercise, spend time with your family and even find time to play simultaneously. Occasionally, when the stars are aligned and things aren’t as inefficient as anticipated, you are rewarded with bonus leisure time.
Several years ago, I was taking some business classes and was introduced to the term work-life harmony. It turns out, Jeff Bezos is a staunch advocate of this concept. In my opinion, It is not really a radical departure from what people had been trying to achieve for decades on their quest for work-life balance. Striving for work-life harmony looks to inject the spirit into the well intended but soulless work-life balance. The centerpiece for work-life harmony is finding your why and using it as your life’s foundation. It is all about attitude and mind set.
At first, I had some difficulty conceptualizing how to make my model of medical practice more in harmony with my desired life. There are scores of home-based jobs that suit themselves perfectly, but how can I reconcile a busy trauma and acute care surgery practice with my family and wellness focused life on the homestead? I love being a surgeon, but when I’m at work, it’s game on. Sometimes there is downtime, but I can’t count on it. It’s the nature of the beast.
Using the work-life balance model, I could quarantine my work life from my home life. I have done this in the past and sometimes it is still somewhat necessary. The problem is that this manner of living lacks fluidity. The lack of fluidity causes friction, which leads to increased need for time, our most precious commodity, to be diverted to stress management and recovery.
As Benjamin Franklin said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. How do I manage the harmony disrupting viscosity that can lead to loss of time and health? The key is mind set and attitude. I acknowledge that my practice is a part of me, it is a service to society and it is a means of providing for my family. This perspective takes work and home out of competition and places them in cooperation with one another.
In the past, I have allowed myself to view work and home as adversaries. Mortal enemies. Archnemeses. I’ve been frustrated, annoyed and down right pissed off about the costs that my family have had to pay because of my jobs. Feelings of resentment and betrayal. At times, it has truly been a challenge. But, it has been my challenge. “Work” never lost any sleep over the wrongs that I perceived that it had done to me.
Much like Eddie Brock and Venom, my work and homestead life are symbiotes. My work finances my homestead endeavors and my homestead life rejuvenates me so that I am energized and more productive when I am at work. My real work though, is to maintain and continuously build upon the harmony between the two. What is the difference between a symbiotic relationship and a parasitic relationship? Is it the lack of harmony?
Recognizing and adopting the right mid set isn’t a one-and-done proposition. It will require diligence and commitment, but this is the journey that I am on.
