Life Lessons From The U.S. Army: Better Watch Out For Jody
Last week’s post got me feeling a bit nostalgic. I’m typically so focused on the present and the future that I don’t have much time or energy left to reminisce about the past. I let myself drift there occasionally, but probably not often enough. It has great value but it seems like a luxury that I can’t afford.
Anyhow, I got to thinking about some of the valuable life lessons that I was able to learn during my experience in the Army and one that came to mind was my introduction to Jody. In boot camp, the goal is to break you down and then build you back up again, stronger and better. Like a phoenix rising from the olive drab ashes. All that you need is the Army. Nothing else. Everything else is expendable.
Do you know Jody? He’s a dirty, no good, son of a bitch. Jody is the guy back home entertaining your girl (or woman) while you’re in front leaning rest position, covered in mud, beating your face. You’re giving your all to make your country a safer place, and he’s ravaging and desecrating your lady in every imaginable way, and some that haven’t even been invented yet. The drill sergeants would remind us of this frequently, if not constantly. It was quite encouraging really.
What was the purpose of this type of indoctrination? Sadism? Psychological torture? Was it intended to reduce men to callused, heartless womanizing killers? Honestly, probably so. At least in part. Some of the details and descriptions were absolutely gratuitous. I’ll spare you the details. But there was more to it than that. It was also part of a tradition. A christening. A rebirth. The thing is, Jody isn’t just a figment of the imagination. He’s alive and well.
At first, I thought it was pretty f*cked up to torment soldiers like that, but as I matured, I began to see it as a somewhat twisted act of mercy. How many soldiers have headed off to training or the battlefield, and upon returning, found that their significant other has strayed and found solace in the arms of another? It’s not a trivial number. “How could this happen? Our relationship was so solid. There weren’t even any warning signs of a potential problem.” The truth is, people can be very fickle. Maybe I’m overstretching, but it could be that learning about Jody is exactly what some of the naive, wet-behind-the-ears privates needed to help prepare themselves for the heartbreak that awaited them upon returning home.
The military context will not be relatable to everyone, but I have some bad news. Jody doesn’t just fancy the ladies of servicemen. He’s an equal opportunity scoundrel, and can strike anywhere at any time. No one is immune. Blue collar. White collar. Sinner. Saint. Preacher. Parriah. It doesn’t matter. We are all susceptible.
Does the idea of footing the bill by working multiple jobs to finance your wife’s relationship with another man appeal to you? Do you want some no good piece of shit to spending more time with your kids than you do? Eating all of your steak and drinking all of your beer? Wrecking your bed while you’re away working to keep all of the bills paid?
I wish that I could say that this scenario is 100% preventable, but sadly, it isn’t. Relationships are complicated. They are a team sport, and require the appropriate level of effort and engagement from both parties. What exactly is that appropriate level of effort and engagement? It’s hard to say, but the result of attaining it should bring peace and a sense of security. Good communication is obviously crucial. At the end of the day, any relationship between two autonomous human beings isn’t destined for success. You both have to want it and be willing to fight for it.
Is there anything that you can do to increase your chances of success? Here are Five Keys to a Strong Relationship. It’s not an all inclusive list but hopefully it will be food for thought to inspire healthy relationship choices.
1) Choose your partner carefully.
If she will cheat with you, she is capable of cheating on you. You’re not that special, despite what your mother may have told you and you are not irreplaceable. While it might be fanciful to imagine Jody receiving justice some day, don’t count on it. That sly bastard is a rolling stone.
Be equally yoked. Common values and views towards relationships can help build a framework for success.
2) Don’t take your relationship for granted.
Don’t expect to get more out of it than you put into it.
Be present. Your absence can create a void.
Make it a priority love more and draw closer over time.
3) Minimize or eliminate potential pitfalls.
Agree not to tolerate potentially tempting situations.
If something inappropriate happens, talk about it immediately.
Introducing another person to your relationship can only weaken it and is likely to destroy it. It may sound like an adventure, but steer clear.
4) Good communication is essential.
This comes more naturally for some people than others, but even if it isn’t your comfort zone, it’s worth the investment of effort.
Quality listening and observation is a big part of communication not just stating your feelings and needs.
Expressing your love and appreciation isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but doing so pays huge dividends. Try it out.
5) Make time for each other.
As life gets more complicated (kids, work, etc.) It is easy to either forget to set aside alone time together or to willingly chose to sacrifice it. This is a mistake. This time is very valuable and can go a long way to maintaining your focus and preserving what is left of your sanity.
Watch out for Jody! For all you know, he could be buffing the hood of his Mustang with the back of your girl’s shirt right now.
“C-130 Rolling down the strip.
Airborn ranger gonna take a little trip.
Stand up, buckle up, shuffle to the door.
Jump right out and count to four.
And if my chute don’t open wide,
I have another one by my side.
And if that chute don’t open round,
I’ll be the first one on the ground.
If I die don’t bring me back.
Bury me with a case of Jack.”
- Traditional Army Cadence
